


Operation S.M.I.L.E.

by thanku4urlove



Category: Hey! Say! JUMP, Johnny's Entertainment
Genre: Bad Puns, Bad Stageplays, Blood, Bullet calls Rapid Fire a giggly bitch, Crossdressing, Explosions, Gen, Humor, Inappropriate Use of a Shrink Ray, Koro Sensations AU, Originally Posted on LiveJournal, and are assassins, and everything like that, cursing, so yes they go by their code names
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-30
Updated: 2019-09-30
Packaged: 2020-11-07 21:57:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,338
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20824466
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thanku4urlove/pseuds/thanku4urlove
Summary: When Bullet takes a vow of solemnity after missing a shot, Commander makes it the team's mission to get him to smile again.





	Operation S.M.I.L.E.

**Author's Note:**

> A fic I wrote as a present in 2017! I completely forgot to call Sonic Hunter "Captain Boomerang" throughout the entire fic, which means no one is more disappointed in me than I am, but I'll just have to write another Sensations fic to fix that.

The explosion was fiery and loud, a wild giggle coming from Sonic Hunter’s lips as he and Falcon Jr broke into a run. Sonic seemed to be enjoying himself immensely, but the heat from the blast was making Falcon Jr start to feel like a toasted marshmallow. That was about all he had to tell the team when Commander asked for a status report, but as a result he then had to try and keep their leader from licking his face as Geek took their getaway helicopter up and off the ground. He wasn't successful.

“Well, that… Happened.” Doctor said after a moment. He glanced around at them all before turning back to tend to the gash on Rapid Fire’s face. “I scanned the area; four deaths. They were intentional, right?”

Silence. He glanced over, seeing Commander was now very interested in his fingernails, which he couldn’t even see under his gloves.

“You have to know!” Doctor protested. “You have to write up the report later, for our superiors!”

“Couldn’t you do it for me?” Commander whined, racing forward to drape his body around the medic, who nearly sprayed peroxide in Rapid Fire’s eye as a result. “You did such a good job last time! They were so impressed that I got an entire outfit upgrade!”

Doctor turned on Commander with his spray-on peroxide, the leader yelping and hiding behind Shinobi, who simply stood there.

“Exactly! I didn’t get anything, so write the damn report yourself!”

“I just finished scanning the explosion area.” Geek said from the cockpit, his monotone voice filtering through the speakers. “Miraculously, no civilians died. Our target was already dead, what was the mushroom cloud for?”

All eyes turned simultaneously to Sonic Hunter, who gave the whole helicopter a sheepish grin.

“No one else thought it was awesome?”

“It was Sonic Hunter.” Doctor reported, so Geek could hear. The weapons technician sighed.

“I figured as much. Those mercury fulminate rubber ducky nanobombs are for emergencies only! Where did you even have one stashed away? You could have blown yourself up!”

“What's the problem? I destroyed the base, isn't that good?”

“All we were supposed to do was assassinate the Slovakian gang leader.” Doctor chastised.

“Which we did!” Commander pointed out, sticking out his finger and peeking over Shinobi's shoulder.

“The primary objective of any assassin team is to remain stealthy in all operations.” Shinobi told Sonic Hunter in his usual, calm and quiet voice. “The use of a highly combustible explosive was not--”

“I'm stealthy!” Sonic Hunter protested. “If I wasn't stealthy, would I be able to do this?”

He lunged in Shinobi's direction boomerang first, causing Commander to let out a less-than-leaderlike squeak and duck behind Scope instead. Shinobi dodged Sonic Hunter’s attack easily, twisting his arm behind his back and tripping his legs out from under him, the agent crashing face first into the helicopter floor. Then Shinobi stepped on his head, for good measure.

“How do things always end up like this?” Falcon Jr asked in mild amusement. “Sonic is always bleeding on the floor by the time we get back.”

“He's bleeding?” Scope yelped, and as soon as his eyes made contact with Sonic Hunter's gushing nose, he dropped like a rock.

“Afraid of blood.” Doctor said, clicking his tongue. “He's an assassin, and he's afraid of blood. At least it wasn't his own, or else he'd be in a coma for a couple of hours.”

Commander nodded, Shinobi taking some strong smelling salts out of his pocket and holding them under the sniper's nose. This, as post-mission return flights went, was pretty normal, Commander realizing after a few moments that something was off. By now, Bullet was usually laughing. He looked over to their sharpshooter and noticed that curiously, he wasn’t even smiling. He was simply sitting in one of the seats, his face concentrated and solemn. The leader frowned.

“I heard he used to be normal, you know.” Geek told Shinobi, who was carrying a messy Sonic Hunter over his shoulder, the nine of them re-entering their base together. “Before the special weapons training. It really makes you wonder what those Australian wizards did to him.”

“He's not a bad assassin.” Shinobi said with a shrug. The action hit the unconscious agent's jaw and caused his teeth to knock together, but if Shinobi noticed, he didn't let on. Geek winced. “He’s just loud.”

They gathered in the conference room, ushered in by Commander, who looked nearly bursting with something important to say. By Doctor's estimate, there was only a twenty-three percent chance that it would actually be relevant. Their short leader waited for them all to sit and for the room to quiet down, then pointed a finger at Bullet with the dramatics to match a bad Korean drama.

“What's wrong with you?”

Their sharpshooter usually laughed at Commander's antics, so the serious expression on Bullet’s face was out of place and mildly disconcerting, like the time they'd found a purple thong in Rapid Fire's locker.

“There were like seven better ways to ask that question.” Falcon Jr said.

“He hasn't smiled once!” Commander exclaimed, gesturing again in Bullet's direction. “Did you get Botox? Did your hamster die, or something?”

Bullet was silent for a long moment before sighing and reminding Commander for the fourteenth time that he didn't have a hamster. Never had one, in fact. And that Commander really should remember that.

“Is that why you're sad? You want a hamster?”

“No! It's my fault that the team got caught during the mission. One of my bullets missed. And I never miss. I shot the target in the chest, and all it did was incapacitate him.”

“To be fair, none of us knew he had a mechanical lung.” Scope pointed out. “The shot should have gone through and hit him, so really--”

“I was aiming for his head.”

There was a long moment of silence.

“Oh.”

“So,” Bullet said, beginning again, “I've decided I need to be taking this job more seriously, since there is an obvious connection between shot inaccuracy and being a giggly bitch.”

“Hold on, that's never been scientifically proven.” Doctor piped up. “There's never actually been a study on--”

“Look at Rapid Fire, though.” Bullet said. They all did, the extra attention causing the agent to give a small, nervous giggle. “Half of his shots miss, but he just fires so many that nobody can tell.”

“H-hey, wait!” Rapid protested, realizing for the first time that he had just been called ‘a giggly bitch’ by his fellow agent. Falcon Jr cut him off.

“Bullet, you don't need to worry. It's like what my father, the legendary agent Falcon, used to say: failure is a success, as long as we learn from it.”

“First off, your father didn't say that.” Geek said, sounding unimpressed. “A motivational poster did.”

“And that's what I was going to say!” Commander exclaimed indignantly, chucking his phone at Falcon Jr's head, the too-bright screen showing a Google search for inspirational failure quotes. Shinobi caught the device out of the air, crushing it in his hand.

“And secondly, you keep saying this Falcon guy is a legend, but none of us have ever heard of him!” Geek finished. “You can tell us, you know, if you made him up. Bullet and I have a bet going.”

“As bets are juvenile and immature, I officially forfeit.” Bullet declared. He stood, bowed to the rest of the team, and excused himself, handing over a wad of cash to Geek as he made his exit. “I'm going to go train.”

“Bullet being serious is weird.” Scope said once their sharpshooter had left. “I don't like it.”

“I don't like it either.” Commander said. He was deep in thought. “Don't worry team, I'll come up with a plan.”

“But not before you finish the follow up report for the mission.” Doctor told him.

“Oh Doctor, this is much more important!” Commander insisted, patting the tiny medic on the head. “If you could do it though, that would be great.”

“I have a few ideas.” Commander declared the next day, once they had all assembled in the conference room for lunch--except Bullet, of course, who declared pizza unhealthy and unfit for a serious agent to eat. The rest of them watched as Commander shoved nearly an entire supreme slice into his mouth before continuing, his words now muffled by olives, sausage, and mushrooms.

“I was thinking we could buy him something nice to cheer him up, like a fancy camera, or some fancy shoes, but that doesn't really seem like stuff Bullet would like. And they're not really funny, either. He needs to laugh at something. It’s not called Operation S.M.I.L.E. for nothing.”

“S.M.I.L.E.?” Falcon Jr asked.

“Try To Make Bullet Laugh.” Commander explained. “All of the first letters are silent. Oh, shut up!” He defended when he saw the deadpan expressions from the rest of his team. “Acronyms are hard, okay?”

“Shinobi could do that gag where he trips into his own traps! That one always makes Bullet laugh.” Scope pointed out. Commander nodded thoughtfully.

“True, but he only does it on actual missions, which makes it funnier. It might be too obvious otherwise.”

The look on Shinobi's face suggested that the gag wasn't as intentional as he wanted the rest of the team to believe.

“I've almost finished learning how to contour!” Sonic Hunter said excitedly. “I could always put a wig on. He laughs at that.”

Commander considered the idea for a long moment.

“But he'd be expecting it on you.” He finally said. “Maybe on someone else? Someone he wouldn't expect?”

All at once, the entire room turned to Shinobi.

“No.” He said flatly, but it was too late; Sonic Hunter had a death grip on his shoulder, hauling him from the room. Commander rubbed his hands together, obviously excited.

“Alright, the rest of you. I need you making as many puns as you can, as often as you can.”

“But Bullet doesn't like puns.” Falcon Jr pointed out. Commander gaped at him.

“Everybody likes puns! They're so…” A smirk twisted their leader’s face. “...punny.”

A long groan went through the entire room, Geek leaning over to speak quietly to Rapid Fire.

“How much trouble do you think I would get in if I shrunk him?”

Rapid Fire leaned back. “Shrunk him? Do people even come in a smaller size than this?”

Doctor leaned between the two, and told them to shut up.

By the end of the week, nothing changed. Bullet might, actually, have gotten more serious, hardened by the team's attempts to break him. When Commander realized that nobody else had taken to his bad pun idea he changed it to bad pickup lines, but going from “sign language is pretty handy” to asking Bullet if he was wearing space pants wasn't much of an improvement.

It was tragic, really, to watch their animated, bubbly friend turn into the expressionless robot they saw in the training room, firing round after round into the dummies across the room with impeccable precision, the success not bringing even the slightest of smiles to his face. Commander was ready to “punch some happiness into his face, goddamn it” when the mail for their base arrived.

He flipped through most of it listlessly, tossing bills and various magazine subscriptions to the floor--“Atomic Monthly” landed by Sonic Hunter’s feet, and Geek had to wrestle it out of his hands--before coming across a blue envelope embossed with gold. It was quite fancy, and Commander ripped it open, read the contents, and held the letter up like it was the Holy Grail, or the script for the new Star Wars movie, or, at least, a finished mission report.

“This is it!” He declared. “Our ticket to getting Bullet to smile again!”

Falcon Jr stepped up, picking the now-empty envelope off the floor and looking at the sender.

“Bob Sapp sent us mail?” He asked, surprised.

“That guy is on our Nemesis List, and we haven’t defeated him. He really shouldn’t know our address.” Doctor said. Commander waved a dismissive hand.

“Listen!” He insisted, and began to read aloud. “I, the Great Bob Sapp, cordially invite the Sensation team to an event I am calling The Challenge. It will be held at Suntory Hall at four-thirty this Saturday. Dress code is semi formal. I hope to see you all there.”

The looks he got back made him wave his arms around in frustration.

“Don’t you guys get it? He wants a rematch! And we’ll beat him, and Bullet will remember that he doesn’t suck!”

“Come on, he never sucked.” Rapid Fire insisted.

“Well, that shot did kinda suck though, to be fair.”

“Hey…” Geek had taken the letter from Commander during his distressed flapping around, reading over it again. “Today is Thursday. Saturday is in three days. Is no one else concerned about the fact that we have to go up against this guy in seventy-two hours and we’re completely unprepared?”

“I’ve been thinking about that.” Sonic Hunter said, sounding quite serious, much to everyone’s surprise. “Geek, how are you on the development of that shrink ray?”

“Uh… Nearly done.” Geek told him. “I mean, I haven’t tested it yet, so there’s a thirty-four percent chance that it’ll enlarge things instead of shrinking them, but…”

“Perfect.” Sonic nodded. “Now all we need is two sticks of dynamite, a plate of spaghetti, three chihuahuas, and--”

“I’m going to go train.” Shinobi announced, getting to his feet as he cut Sonic Hunter off, starting from the room.

“Nobi-chan, wait!” Sonic Hunter yelped, jumping after him. “But I want you to hear my plan! And you’re the one that needs the chihuahuas so… And you haven’t let me put lipstick on you yet!”

They all listened to them clamber down the hallway before Geek sighed.

“I actually should finish the shrink ray--that guy is such a titan, having him a few feet smaller would probably help.”

“I’ll start compiling medkits.” Doctor said. “This whole operation sounds like a disaster already.”

The days that approached that fateful rematch were spent almost exclusively in the training room. Doctor had to spend a good amount of his time putting together body armor for Commander, because he was the only one on their team that didn’t have a projectile weapon, and therefore would have to get in close to the enemy to fight.

“And what, pray tell, inspired you to pick swords as weapons? Swords? Really?”

“...they look cool.” Commander mumbled, yelping as Doctor pulled on a strap a little harder than was probably necessary.

“I could train with guns!” Commander said. “If you guys would just let me--”

“No.” Doctor cut him off quickly. “Scope has a robotic eye because of you and your gun training. Never again.”

“That wasn’t my fault.” Commander grumbled, but if Doctor heard him, he didn’t let on.

While Doctor was stuck making modifications, the other members of the team were practicing their combat. Scope, Rapid Fire--and Bullet of course--were practicing their aim, on various targets at various distances. Shinobi was setting traps for the rest of the team, but as most of them were sprung by himself shortly after setting them, not much happened. It had been a long time since they’d worked so hard, limping from the training room at the end of the first day.

“I just want to warn everyone…” Sonic Hunter began as they walked, “I threw six boomerangs, and only five came back, so--”

He was promptly struck in the back of the head by his own weapon, toppling Bullet, Scope, and Falcon Jr to the floor as he fell. They became a mass of grumbling, until Scope picked himself up, touched his throbbing nose, saw blood on his hands, and promptly fell down again.

“This is never going to work.” Geek said, watching Shinobi hoist Scope up over one of his shoulders and Sonic on the other, carrying the unconscious agents to Doctor's lab. “We're all going to die.”

“Don't say that!” Rapid Fire insisted. “We're world class assassins!”

“…right.”

Geek got his shrink ray up and running the next day, much to Doctor's displeasure, because an accidental misfire had the tiny medic tinier than ever, his anger amounting to nothing more than undignified squeaks when Geek revealed that he didn't yet know how to reverse the shrinking process. He didn't tell Doctor that until after he'd laughed for twenty minutes and grabbed Doctor in the palm of his hand for show and tell, and now the entire team was subjugated to his indignance and high pitched anger. Commander and Rapid Fire still hadn't stopped laughing.

“Change me back now!” He was yelling, sounding like the fourth member of Alvin and the Chipmunks. “Or at least put me down!”

“I can't; you'd get stepped on!” Geek replied, his cheeks puffing up, clamping his free hand over his face in an attempt not to laugh. Doctor didn't like the way no one else was fully appreciating how dire his situation had become.

“Put me down, or I will crawl up your nose.” He said lowly--or, at least, as lowly as he could when he was sixteen centimeters tall. It wasn't until he began scrambling up Geek’s sleeve that the technician took him seriously, rushing to set him on the ground.

“You will fix me.” Doctor told him, his tiny voice somehow ten times more threatening than usual. “You will fix me by tomorrow, or I will pull your eyebrows off, one hair at a time, while you sleep.”

After getting a gulp and nod that he was satisfied with, Doctor turned and stormed off. It took him a solid fifteen minutes to make it to the door, the team watching him go, and as soon as he was as gone the training room erupted into laughter. A hopeful glance at Bullet, however, revealed him to be as stoic as ever. 

“You’d better fix him.” Scope said. “You'll be in trouble if you don't.”

“Not enough time.” Geek replied, shaking his head. “I've got enough work as it is, making him a tiny tuxedo for tomorrow. He'll get over it. It's not that much of a height difference, really.”

The rematch was finally upon them. Commander stood proudly in front of their van, his hands on his hips, watching the team--his team, the team he loved and led--assemble in front of him. Scope and Rapid Fire came in first, Scope talking extremely animatedly about what Commander could tell was either Bigfoot or water balloons. Rapid was nodding along as he tried to load the second of his guns, the jostling motion causing a few misfires, the machine gun bullets narrowly missing his toes and taking chunks out of the concrete floor, ricocheting. Commander heard one whizz past his ear.

“I hate this!” Came a sharp, shrill complaint that could only belong to Doctor, Falcon Jr and the medic entering the room. “I mean, did Geek even try?”

“He made this for you, didn't he?” Falcon Jr answered, gesturing to his front. Since Doctor couldn't keep up with them on his own two tiny feet, Geek had created a contraption that looked like a miniature baby carrier and Doctor was strapped to the front of Falcon Jr’s chest, looking rather undignified, despite his crisp and tiny tuxedo. “But don't worry about it! As my legendary father Falcon once said: there are no small parts, only small agents.”

An eyebrow-less Geek followed behind them, looking rather sullen.

Bullet didn't look much better as he entered, despite having a complete set of eyebrows. He looked incredible in his tux, as usual, his face serious and set. He walked up stiffly, coming to a stop in front of Commander and clasping his hands behind his back. Commander raised his eyebrows.

“Is that your gun in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?” He asked.

“Both.” Bullet answered, his voice deadpan, and Commander choked on his own tongue.

“I-is everyone here?” He asked, just as Sonic Hunter and Shinobi came skidding into the room, all of them turning around. Sonic Hunter had finally gotten to contour Shinobi's face, but he hadn't stopped there. They looked like two girls ready for a cocktail party, Sonic in a periwinkle blue gown and Shinobi in a deep red, the color almost as risque as the way his lipstick was smeared all over his face.

“Sorry we're late!” Sonic exclaimed, Shinobi rushing forward and falling into an apologetic bow. “Nobi’s eyes kept tearing up whenever I attempted his waterline.”

“I'm sure that's the reason.” Doctor muttered, but with his high-pitched voice, he wasn't very subtle or quiet. Commander tried to remain professional, tried to keep a straight face--it was the big day, after all--but when Rapid Fire began giggling, he failed spectacularly. He was on the floor, clutching at his stomach, and when he finally caught his breath the only ones not laughing were Shinobi, his face a firetruck red, and the ever-stony Bullet.

“Let's go.” Commander said, clambering to his feet, waving a hand towards the van. With their van’s rocket boosters and Geek the speed demon behind the wheel, it wasn't long before they arrived in front of the Suntory Hall.

“Alright, time for the plan.” Commander said, gesturing for his team to gather around him. “Scope, Shinobi, I need the two of you to scout ahead; find a good place for Scope to set up his sniper rifle. Rapid Fire, you and Falcon Jr will come in with me, and we'll distract him while everyone else sneaks in and finds a good place to sit. And Scope, if you get a good shot, take it. Sound good?”

“What am I supposed to do?” Doctor asked.

“Just… Stay there.” Commander finally said. “And look cute.”

Doctor frowned loudly, but didn't say anything. It was go time.

The hulking Bob Sapp gave them a jovial smile as soon as they walked in. Rapid let a loud, nervous giggle out as soon as he saw the man.

“You made it!” the ex-wrestler exclaimed. “I'm so glad! I was worried nobody would show.”

“Yes.” Commander said, crossing his arms and raising his chin. “We're here for your challenge. Let's go.”

“Not so fast!” The giant man greeted them all with slaps on the back, Falcon Jr toppling over and gripping the wall hard in an attempt not to fall all the way to the floor. “I have to go get ready!”

Then he dashed away, seemingly over-excited.

“We lost him.” Doctor reported into his commlink, the communication devices connecting them all.

“How?” Geek asked incredulously. “He's huge!”

“Let's all move into the theater.” Commander said. “With one person on each exit, we'll have him.”

“I'm already there.” Shinobi reported. “Scope is in a secure location.”

“Good. Let's go.”

They crept into the theater room, and it was good that they crept, because their enemy was on the stage, fussing about with props. Weapons were drawn, and Commander made the silent 'attack’ gesture.

An onslaught of bullets began. Bob Sapp didn't even turn, blocking them all with his hands without even breaking a sweat. Sonic threw his boomerang with a yell, Bob Sapp catching it and breaking it in half. He was beaming when he turned back.

“Just like old times!” He said happily. “Well, are we ready to begin? Take a seat!”

“Sit?” Commander asked him. “Don't you want a rematch?”

“A rematch?”

“You challenged us!”

“No man, The Challenge! It's the one man, twelve act play I wrote! I wanted you all to see it.”

A shot rang through the air, Bob Sapp’s head jerking to one side as Scope’s bullet caught him in the temple.

“We aren't fighting!” Falcon Jr yelled up at him. They watched in cautious silence as Bob Sapp slowly straightened up, giving his head a good shake. Scope’s voice floated down to them.

“Oops.”

Bob Sapp, however, burst into boisterous laughter, giving Scope a hearty clap on the back too once he'd descended from the rafters. Then, at a loss for what else to do, they took seats and the play started.

The Challenge--a one man, twelve act, minimalist western epic--was, in a word, terrible. Scope cried. Geek fell asleep. The silence at the end was stunning, until a loud sound broke through the heavy, uncomfortable disbelief.

Bullet was howling in laughter. He clapped his hands, stomped his feet, and as they all watched he toppled from his chair and down to the floor, rolling and clutching his sides.

Amazed, Commander stood.

“You're a genius!” He exclaimed. Bob Sapp looked touched, bringing a hand to his chest.

“You think so?” He asked, his voice a whisper.

“It was terrible!” Was, at least, what Doctor tried to say, but Falcon Jr put his hand over the tiny agent, effectively silencing him. They instead gave the man a standing ovation and, much less injured than they expected, set to go home.

Bullet was still chuckling to himself, Commander going to sit next to him.

“So.” He asked. “Are you out of your slump?”

“Yeah.” Bullet sighed, turning to the leader with a smile and wiping his eyes. He'd cried at some point, too. “I realized it was all just silly.”

“Which part?” Commander asked, laughing a little himself. “The pickup lines, the tiny Doctor, or Shinobi in a dress?”

“The play. I mean… If he can act that badly with a smile on his face, who's to say I can't miss a shot or two?”

“Exactly!” Commander said. “You're a good agent, Bullet. We're lucky to have you.”

Bullet gave him a smile, a sincere one.

“Thanks.”

Commander jumped to his feet.

“Team Sensations!” He exclaimed, getting everyone's attention. “We did it! Operation S.M.I.L.E. was a success!”

The entire bus cheered.


End file.
